


Dark Corners Of The Soul

by stargatefan_archivist



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, POV First Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-31
Updated: 2013-12-31
Packaged: 2018-10-07 11:38:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10359558
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stargatefan_archivist/pseuds/stargatefan_archivist
Summary: SPOILERS: Absolute PowerDaniel gets an unexpected visit from Jack





	

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Yuma, the archivist: this work was originally archived at [Stargatefan.com](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Stargatefan.com). To preserve the archive, we began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [StargateFan Archive Collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/StargateFan_Archive_Collection).

Dark Corners Of The Soul

##  Dark Corners Of The Soul

##### Written by Lin   
Comments? Forward them to us at yumafanfic@aol.com

  

Hot water streams down from the shower head, stinging my flesh. Steam billows up, filling the small room, fogging the shower doors. I've scrubbed until I'm raw, but I can't wash away the uncomfortable feeling that I no longer fit into my own skin. 

The cooling water finally forces me to get out. I wrap a towel around my waist and pad to my bed room to slip into some sweats. I lay back on the bed, bone tired, and stare at the ceiling. I've been going full tilt since Kasuf called us to Abydos. Discovering the Harsesis child was just the beginning of one of the longest days in my life. 

I sit up abruptly, shaking my head to banish the drowsiness. The last thing I want to do is fall asleep. I don't think I could handle another dream right now. 

Coffee. I need coffee. I go to the kitchen and put on the pot. As I stand over the coffee maker, mug in hand, I hear someone at the door. By the time I've shuffled down the hall, the knocking has become an insistent pounding. There's only one person I know who would be beating on my door right now. 

"Hello Jack," I say as I open it to reveal Jack O'Neill standing in the hall, pizza box in one hand, a six pack in the other. 

"Hey. Anybody here order a pizza?" 

"No." 

"Then I think I just intercepted your neighbor's dinner. Let me in quick before he realizes it." 

"What do you want Jack?" I don't move. He stands in the hall and regards me with a raised eye brow. 

"I want to come in, dig into this pizza and pop open a beer." 

"Go home Jack." I start to close the door. He throws his weight against it, shouldering his way in. 

"Sorry, can't do that Daniel. This pizza has your name written all over it. Or that could be the mushrooms, but anyway . . ." He heads straight to the living room, dropping the pizza and beer on the coffee table. 

"Make yourself at home," I mutter as I head down the hall. Jack may want to guzzle beer, but I'm dying for coffee right now. When I go back to the living room carefully carrying my freshly filled mug, I find Jack sprawled out on the couch, pizza box opened as he takes a swig of his beer. 

"Want one?" Jack offers a slice. I shake my head and sit down in the overstuffed chair opposite the couch. I sip my coffee while Jack eats his pizza. He hasn't given me any indication of why he's here, so I settle back and finish my coffee. 

"When did pizza delivery guys start carrying beer?" I ask as I set my empty mug down on the floor. 

Jack gives me a sheepish grin and finishes his bottle. 

"Didn't buy that, huh?" 

"What are you doing here Jack?" I ask again. 

"A lot of stuff went down today. Finding the boy, going comatose, then losing the boy again. I thought you might like a little company." 

"We didn't lose the boy. Shifu is. . . following his path." 

"Yeah, I heard that. What did it mean?" 

"He is getting on with his life the way he sees fit." 

"I wish the kid luck." 

"I don't think he needs it." 

"Are you okay with him going?" 

"Yeah. I have a feeling I'll be seeing him again. At least I hope I do." 

Silence falls between us. My mind begins to drift, to remember. I pull myself back to the present with an effort. Picking up my mug, I head back to the kitchen for more coffee. 

I pour myself a mug full, then stand and drink it. As I am pouring another cup, I hear Jack come up behind me. Turning my head a little, I can see him leaning against the refrigerator. 

"A beer would be more relaxing than all that coffee." 

"I don't want to relax," I mumble. 

"Talk to me, Daniel." 

I stare at the black liquid sloshing in the mug. I realize I am gripping the handle so tightly that my knuckles have turned white. With effort, I relax my hold. 

"I dreamed today of who I am, and who I could be. I saw my own face, Jack, and I didn't recognize it." 

"What exactly did you dream about?" 

"Hate, vengeance, anger, impatience with those less intelligent, the need in me to control, to dominate, to take joy from another's pain." 

"Sounds like a wild dream." 

"Yeah." 

"It was just a dream Daniel. It wasn't real." 

"That's just it Jack. It was real. Oh yeah, the events in the dream never happened, but where the dream came from exists. Shifu somehow touched my subconscious and the stuff that boiled out was...horrible. Everything I suppress, every dark desire, every lust, every unacceptable thought, every angry urge or hateful wish doesn't just go away. It's still there, under the surface. I want to think I'm a good man, a moral man, but am I? I never realized how much hate and anger I carry around. How twisted I am." 

"Everyone has a dark side. Didn't the kid say that the character of a man is determined by the battle between his conscious and subconscious mind?" 

"Yeah, and I lost that battle in the dream. I don't think I even put up a fight. It was so easy not to..." 

"You didn't lose the battle." 

"You don't know Jack. You have no idea of what is inside of me." 

"Daniel as far as I can tell, you're beating yourself up over something you didn't do. It was a dream!" 

"It was more than that. It was a look into my soul, and it was a very disturbing place." 

"Daniel . . ." 

Startled, I look up to see his eyes barely a foot from mine. I hadn't heard him move. 

"Okay so maybe you did look into the deep end of your soul or whatever. Everybody has an ugly side. It's human nature. No one said you were immune. It's just that most people don't look into those dark corners. It's easier on the conscience." 

"Jack, I . . ." 

"There is a lot of really nasty stuff in each of us. We shove it down into those dark spaces to keep it hidden. It doesn't mean it isn't there or that we have to let it control us. I've done a lot of things I'm not proud of in the name of national security. The difference here is that I know what I am capable of. I can remember doing it. You only dreamed about it. You looked into the dark and what looked back scared you. So deal with it." 

"How?" 

"By getting on with your life. By being that good, moral man." 

"When I think of evil I think of the Gould. But there's just as much evil in me. How am I supposed to forget that?" 

"You don't. You accept that you're as human as everybody else and then you make your choices in life based on what you think is the right thing to do. It's a battle, but it's a battle worth fighting." 

"Are you sure I can win?" 

"With me, Teal'c and Sam on your side? How can you lose?" 

I search his face, looking for what, I'm not sure. He grins at me, then nods towards the living room. 

"Come on, I saved you a beer." 

I follow him to the couch and accept the beer he hands me. He opens another for himself. I sink into my seat as I watch him watching me. 

'I believe in you, Daniel. Believe in yourself,' his eyes seem to say. 

I nod at the unspoken thought and take a long swallow of the beer. I still don't feel comfortable with myself. The dream shattered the complacent self image I had naively built over the last thirty odd years. Now I have to built a new image, a truer one than before. I'm not sure how to start or what to do, but there is one thought that I can take comfort in. I won't have to do it alone. 

  

Finis   


* * *

>   
> © February 13, 2001 The characters mentioned in this story are the property of Showtime and Gekko Film Corp.  
> The Stargate, SG-I, the Goa'uld and all other characters  
> who have appeared in the series STARGATE SG-1 together with the names,   
> titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of MGM-UA Worldwide Television,   
> Gekko Film Corp, Glassner/Wright Double Secret Productions and Stargate SG-I Prod. Ltd.   
> Partnership.  
> This fanfic is not intended as an infringement upon those rights and   
> solely meant for entertainment.   
> All other characters, the story idea and the story itself   
> are the sole property of the author.   
> 

* * *

  


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